You conflict with #Rich Kids of Beverly Hills, and that is unacceptable.

WHO’S IN IT

Elena from Veronica’s Closet, Janitor from The Great Sketch Experiment, Larissa from Kevin Hill, Victor from Undressed, and Little David from Urban Ground Squirrels.

THE PREMISE

A quirky girl moves into an LA loft with three dudes and, allegedly, hilarity ensues.

WHY I USED TO LIKE IT

Jess and Schmidt.

I loved this show when it first started. It was funny and new with great performances from Zooey Deschanel and Max Greenfield. At first, the show was all about Jess. That was fine, at first. The best decision the producers made was allowing to characters around her to grow and shift the focus a little. I love Schmidt. He is the best character on the show. The television academy thought so too and threw him a supporting actor Emmy nomination for season 1. Uncle Morty followed suit in January with a nomination at the Globes. The show is now in it’s third season, and I am over it.

WHY I HATE IT

The producers have made two egregious errors.

The first one happened very early in season 1. Young Kevin from Blankman was in the pilot, and I thought, “How is this going to work?” because he’s also Brad on Happy Endings. He was gone by the next episode, and that’s when error #1 happened. Winston. He is fucking terrible, and he is gross. No woman would date him. Kahlua from Bridesmaids does for a minute. Then an Asian girl does, and she doesn’t want anything serious, so he steals her cat. He planned to kill it, like ya do, but decided to keep it. I wish I had more specifics, but I just don’t give a fuck and can’t bring myself to go back and watch a single minute. Especially to focus on Winston. I remember thinking that I missed Coach (because he was so phenomenal in the pilot, or so I thought). Happy Endings was cancelled, and Brad needed to pay the rent, so he’s back on the show. Turns out Coach sucks too. My hope was that since he was back, Winston would go away. Wrong.

TV people already know that breaking the sexual tension between two characters or finally answering the “will they or won’t they” question has the potential to ruin a show. Just ask Fran Fine & Max Sheffield, Maddie Hayes & David Addison, and Nikki & Paolo (they didn’t hook up, but they were ruining the show). You get where I am going. Error #2 is allowing Jess and Nick to become a couple. I think this is the show’s shark. The dynamic of the roommates is destroyed. Schmidt even moved across the hall. They are cloying and disgusting. Irritation and boredom are not things you want to experience in the same show, much less at the same time. If you are still watching this shit show, I am sorry. Sorry you can’t detect the sharp decline in quality this show has taken. You could do something better with that half-hour, like take a big, nutty shit. That way, you won’t miss a second of the far superior show that comes on afterwards, The Mindy Project.

You aren’t New anymore, Girl. You’re heinous.

GRADE: F.

I AM DONE WITH THIS

All of my hatred will be focused on the episode “Indifference” would couldn’t be more appropriate.

WHY I USED TO LIKE IT

This show used to be great. There was nothing like it on TV when it started. Zombies?! C’mon! It was fresh, new, and exciting. Rick was hot, Shane was hot, and I have always had a soft spot for Daryl (ever since Gossip; I’ve only seen The Boondock Saints once and it was years ago). Then they introduced Michonne, and I love a bad ass black bitch.

WHY I HATE IT

Carol. My guess is before she got this role, she was a stand-in for Jamie Lee Curtis. She is giving Activia realness, and every episode I waited with bated breath for her to shit her pants. She never did. What she did do was get on my last nerve. It all started with her abusive husband, then her fucking daughter, and after Sophia died I hoped they would kill her. They didn’t. Instead, this season, she is a school marm teaching a group of little girls self-defense under the guise of storytime. More like she was grooming those girls for a molesting, so of course she didn’t want Rick to know. Carl ratted her out. Eventually, a flu or something breaks out in the prison they are living in, and while in search of a cold yogurt, Carol kills two people. Rick wasn’t up for that at all, and after a trip into town to get whatever, he eventually (SPOILER ALERT) puts her on the curb and goes back to the prison without her.

Speaking of that trip into town, how do they still have gasoline? When Rick & Activia jumped in Shane’s Tuscon, they had the windows up. Isn’t it summer? That means the A/C was on. A tank of gas won’t last me a week if I am running the air everyday, and from my point of view, they have endured 5 summers of zombies (I know it’s not true). There shouldn’t be anymore gas. Or food and medicine. And how many towns and houses are they going to raid for supplies? Wouldn’t everything be completely picked over by now? Did everyone just leave Georgia except them, and now they just have the run of the place? Bullshit.

I am just plain tired of Hershel. His accent, his new Uncle Jessie-style (not Full House Uncle Jessie) look he’s rocking, his one leg, his daughters. He should be dead.

Carl. He’s becoming a sociopath, right? He has a dark passenger for sure. He could be cute when he get’s older, but I don’t care to wait around to see.

Michonne. Why has she been watered down so? She has smiled more this season than ever. At certain points, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she turned into anime, had pinwheels for eyes, and a techicolor patterned background. What a fucking joke. At the beginning of the season, she was telling Dexter Carl that she would bring him back some candy or some shit?! What? The scene that really turned my stomach and concretized (if Tim Gunn can say it, so can I) my decision to abandon the show goes as follows:

Michonne, Daryl, Cutty, and Avon Barksdale’s little brother are walking down some path in the woods. Daryl stops and squats down to pick up a rock and looks at it for a second. Michonne says to him, “Is that jasper?” He says, “Yeah.” To which she responds with, “Good color. Brings out your eyes.” Hang on just a minute, because I am about to have a fucking stroke. “It brings out your eyes?!?!” First of all, he wasn’t even looking at her. Secondly, this from the bitch who carries a Hattori Hanso sword (that she probably stole, is that racist?!) and used to have two armless, jawless, Walkers on leashes! I just don’t buy it.

Lastly, the story has just gotten stale. Oh no, inner conflict in the prison. Oh no, let’s venture out on a fool’s errand. Oh no, Walkers at the fence. Walkers in the woods. Walkers in the prison. Walkers, Walkers, Walkers. Fucking boring. It makes me yearn for the wine soaked hijinks of Nora, Sarah, Kitty, Kevin, & Justin Walker, and I quit that show before it ended too. For those of you still watching this snoozefest, I suppose it could be worse for you. Lori and Andrea could still be alive.

THE GRADE: F