New Girl

New Girl

WHO’S IN IT

Elena from Veronica’s Closet, Janitor from The Great Sketch Experiment, Larissa from Kevin Hill, Victor from Undressed, and Little David from Urban Ground Squirrels.

THE PREMISE

A quirky girl moves into an LA loft with three dudes and, allegedly, hilarity ensues.

WHY I USED TO LIKE IT

Jess and Schmidt.

I loved this show when it first started. It was funny and new with great performances from Zooey Deschanel and Max Greenfield. At first, the show was all about Jess. That was fine, at first. The best decision the producers made was allowing to characters around her to grow and shift the focus a little. I love Schmidt. He is the best character on the show. The television academy thought so too and threw him a supporting actor Emmy nomination for season 1. Uncle Morty followed suit in January with a nomination at the Globes. The show is now in it’s third season, and I am over it.

WHY I HATE IT

The producers have made two egregious errors.

The first one happened very early in season 1. Young Kevin from Blankman was in the pilot, and I thought, “How is this going to work?” because he’s also Brad on Happy Endings. He was gone by the next episode, and that’s when error #1 happened. Winston. He is fucking terrible, and he is gross. No woman would date him. Kahlua from Bridesmaids does for a minute. Then an Asian girl does, and she doesn’t want anything serious, so he steals her cat. He planned to kill it, like ya do, but decided to keep it. I wish I had more specifics, but I just don’t give a fuck and can’t bring myself to go back and watch a single minute. Especially to focus on Winston. I remember thinking that I missed Coach (because he was so phenomenal in the pilot, or so I thought). Happy Endings was cancelled, and Brad needed to pay the rent, so he’s back on the show. Turns out Coach sucks too. My hope was that since he was back, Winston would go away. Wrong.

TV people already know that breaking the sexual tension between two characters or finally answering the “will they or won’t they” question has the potential to ruin a show. Just ask Fran Fine & Max Sheffield, Maddie Hayes & David Addison, and Nikki & Paolo (they didn’t hook up, but they were ruining the show). You get where I am going. Error #2 is allowing Jess and Nick to become a couple. I think this is the show’s shark. The dynamic of the roommates is destroyed. Schmidt even moved across the hall. They are cloying and disgusting. Irritation and boredom are not things you want to experience in the same show, much less at the same time. If you are still watching this shit show, I am sorry. Sorry you can’t detect the sharp decline in quality this show has taken. You could do something better with that half-hour, like take a big, nutty shit. That way, you won’t miss a second of the far superior show that comes on afterwards, The Mindy Project.

You aren’t New anymore, Girl. You’re heinous.

GRADE: F.

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