The Walking Dead

I AM DONE WITH THIS

All of my hatred will be focused on the episode “Indifference” would couldn’t be more appropriate.

WHY I USED TO LIKE IT

This show used to be great. There was nothing like it on TV when it started. Zombies?! C’mon! It was fresh, new, and exciting. Rick was hot, Shane was hot, and I have always had a soft spot for Daryl (ever since Gossip; I’ve only seen The Boondock Saints once and it was years ago). Then they introduced Michonne, and I love a bad ass black bitch.

WHY I HATE IT

Carol. My guess is before she got this role, she was a stand-in for Jamie Lee Curtis. She is giving Activia realness, and every episode I waited with bated breath for her to shit her pants. She never did. What she did do was get on my last nerve. It all started with her abusive husband, then her fucking daughter, and after Sophia died I hoped they would kill her. They didn’t. Instead, this season, she is a school marm teaching a group of little girls self-defense under the guise of storytime. More like she was grooming those girls for a molesting, so of course she didn’t want Rick to know. Carl ratted her out. Eventually, a flu or something breaks out in the prison they are living in, and while in search of a cold yogurt, Carol kills two people. Rick wasn’t up for that at all, and after a trip into town to get whatever, he eventually (SPOILER ALERT) puts her on the curb and goes back to the prison without her.

Speaking of that trip into town, how do they still have gasoline? When Rick & Activia jumped in Shane’s Tuscon, they had the windows up. Isn’t it summer? That means the A/C was on. A tank of gas won’t last me a week if I am running the air everyday, and from my point of view, they have endured 5 summers of zombies (I know it’s not true). There shouldn’t be anymore gas. Or food and medicine. And how many towns and houses are they going to raid for supplies? Wouldn’t everything be completely picked over by now? Did everyone just leave Georgia except them, and now they just have the run of the place? Bullshit.

I am just plain tired of Hershel. His accent, his new Uncle Jessie-style (not Full House Uncle Jessie) look he’s rocking, his one leg, his daughters. He should be dead.

Carl. He’s becoming a sociopath, right? He has a dark passenger for sure. He could be cute when he get’s older, but I don’t care to wait around to see.

Michonne. Why has she been watered down so? She has smiled more this season than ever. At certain points, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she turned into anime, had pinwheels for eyes, and a techicolor patterned background. What a fucking joke. At the beginning of the season, she was telling Dexter Carl that she would bring him back some candy or some shit?! What? The scene that really turned my stomach and concretized (if Tim Gunn can say it, so can I) my decision to abandon the show goes as follows:

Michonne, Daryl, Cutty, and Avon Barksdale’s little brother are walking down some path in the woods. Daryl stops and squats down to pick up a rock and looks at it for a second. Michonne says to him, “Is that jasper?” He says, “Yeah.” To which she responds with, “Good color. Brings out your eyes.” Hang on just a minute, because I am about to have a fucking stroke. “It brings out your eyes?!?!” First of all, he wasn’t even looking at her. Secondly, this from the bitch who carries a Hattori Hanso sword (that she probably stole, is that racist?!) and used to have two armless, jawless, Walkers on leashes! I just don’t buy it.

Lastly, the story has just gotten stale. Oh no, inner conflict in the prison. Oh no, let’s venture out on a fool’s errand. Oh no, Walkers at the fence. Walkers in the woods. Walkers in the prison. Walkers, Walkers, Walkers. Fucking boring. It makes me yearn for the wine soaked hijinks of Nora, Sarah, Kitty, Kevin, & Justin Walker, and I quit that show before it ended too. For those of you still watching this snoozefest, I suppose it could be worse for you. Lori and Andrea could still be alive.

THE GRADE: F

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