OK. Let’s talk about Scandal. Initially I resisted the show, but not for any particular reason. Everyone who knows us knows that we watch a shitload of television. A quick check of the Series Manager on our DVR lists 66 shows. The premise of the show was not that interesting to me, and at that time I think we were trying to cut down on shows. When the water cooler talk had become deafening, and after Entertainment Weekly did a cover story about, I decided to take a peek.  Season 2 was in the middle of airing when we jumped onto to Netflix and streamed Season 1. We sped through those 7 episodes, then got a week long free trial of Hulu Plus and watched the 16 episodes that had aired and finished the remainder of Season 2 on DVR. Scandal is a guilty pleasure, however…

I have issues with this show.

First, you can tell that this is a show created and written by a black woman for a black woman. Gladiator in a suit?! I know you don’t think a white bitch made that shit up. There is a lot of blacting. A lot. All courtesy of Kerry Washington and Columbus Short. Columbus lays it on thick, especially with that “gladiator in a suit” bullshit. Kerry only has few tools in her bag of tricks, and they have worn out their fucking welcome. She wants to be looked at. Whenever Huck goes off the rails (which is often), she always grabs him with both hands, does a half-cry/half crazy eyes face and says, “Huck, look at me.” Olivia, your face doesn’t calm nerves, it frays them. Whenever she is alone with the President, all she can say is, “Don’t do this”, “We can’t do this”, and “Stop.” Olivia is a cock tease and if I were Fitz I would have told that bitch to kick rocks years ago.

Speaking of the President, can she please stop fucking saying it? “I am not having an affair with THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.” “He’s THE PRESIDENT.” “You are THE PRESIDENT.” Bitch, he knows that. But not to be outdone, everyone around and including the President has a fondness for calling him “The Leader of the Free World.” “I’m the leader of the free world and I can’t get a cheeseburger?” “Sir, you are the leader of the free world, you can’t be having an affair.” It goes on and fucking on.

What’s with all the shots being filmed through beveled glass? I don’t need double vision. It adds nothing to the show whatsoever. What it does is disorient me when I watch the show wasted. Fun it is not.

Why does it sound like paparazzi cameras during scene transitions and fades in and out of commercial? That would make more sense for Dirt than this.

Scandal has moved quickly through almost every storyline except for one, Quinn. Why did they drag on the “who is she really?” for so damn long? She wasn’t even that interesting to begin with. The only Quinn I care about looks like her guardian angel didn’t stop her from destroying that… item.

The gay couple are caricatures. They are completely unbelievable. Cyrus, THE PRESIDENT’S Chief of Staff, is as abrasive as he is grotesque. His journalist husband, James (Dan Bucatinsky, who just won a Guest Actor in a Drama Series Emmy last month), is a fucking push-over. Cyrus jerks him around and emotionally manipulates him like there is no tomorrow. Manipulation is a scalpel, not a club. Yet Cyrus wields like a kid who’s just found his dad’s gun. Besides, James is way too hot for Cyrus. They would never be a couple in real life. James is an aging twink, and Cyrus is a troll.

I’m not all piss and vinegar when it comes to Scandal. There are some things in the plus column. Let’s start with Abby, the ginger-ess that works for Olivia. I am living for her. Season 1 was all about her attitude and smart ass remarks. Season 2 she was all about getting serviced by David Rosen. Now, in Season 3, it seems someone sent her to the L’Oreal Paris make-up room and the Garnier hair salon, because her new hair and makeup situation is on point.

Can we get into the First Lady for the moment? Until now, she has always been Ellen Darling to me. I didn’t care for Mellie at first, but then she brought out that inner cunt, and she is SERVING it. I love a good bitch, and she is delivering like Domino’s. She will stop at nothing to keep Fitz in the White House and it is very entertaining to watch. If they would just restyle her slightly, she would be everything.

Speaking of everything, in episode 2, Olivia is carrying a fierce ass black Prada bag (from 2005). I would try to shove my laptop into it just so I could carry it. “Is that a woman’s purse you’re carrying?” No, it’s Prada. B-


UPDATE: I neglected to mention this season’s new phrase of hyperbole, that I am sure will be said in every episode:  “The Most Infamous Woman in the World.” Puh-lease.

One comment

  1. I had to wait til I had caught up to comment, but in general I have to concur. Not great, but guilty pleasure status for sure. Now watch the first 5 episodes of Blacklist and tell me what you think. It’s Silence of the Lambs meets White Collar, serving stupid premise on a gold platter cleverly disguised as James Spader’s inflating head. I think I’m hooked though… I need someone else to talk about it with.

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