#Mixology

mixology

THE CAST IN SIX DEGREES OF: MATTHEW FOX

Craig Frank was on Weeds with Marcus Toji, who was on Party of Five with Matthew Fox.

Ginger Gonzaga was on Legit with DJ Qualls, who was on Lost with Matthew Fox.

Blake Lee was on Parks & Recreation with Jim O’Heir, who was on Party of Five with Matthew Fox.

Kate Simses was on Wedding Band with Harold Perrineau, who was on Lost with Matthew Fox.

Vanessa Lengies was on Ratz with Dolores Drake, who was on Party of Five with Matthew Fox.

Adam Campbell was on Touch with Said Taghmaoui, who was on Lost with Matthew Fox.

Alexis Carra was on Bones with TJ Thyne, who was on Party of Five with Matthew Fox.

Adan Canto was on The Following with Maggie Grace, who was on Lost with Matthew Fox.

Andrew Santino was on The Office with Josh Groban, who was on The 32nd Annual American Music Awards with Matthew Fox.

Frances Shaw was on CSI: NY with Eddie Cahill, who was on Haunted with Matthew Fox.

THE PREMISE

It takes place on one night in a bar where 10 singles are getting sloppy and looking for love.

WHY YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING

Maya.

Let’s break down the singles, shall we?

First up is Cal (Frank). Cal’s name might as well be Token as far as I am concerned. He’s cute enough, but Jesus he is boring. He really brings nothing to the table, so we’ll move on. Cal is at the bar with two of his buddies, Tom & Bruce. Tom (Lee) is a boy-next door type who is giving Colin-Hanks-meets-a-lamppost realness. He is a romantic in a very naive, aw shucks kind of way. Bruce (Santino), on the other hand, is a pussy hound who just wants to get it in. I also think I am detecting a slight personality disorder from him. But he’s fun. Up next is Kacey (Lengies), who is a cocktail server at the bar. You’ll know this girl the moment you see her. She uttered one of the most immortal lines in cinema history… from Stick It: “It’s not called ‘gym-nice-tics.'” Yes, that bitch. Kacey is from the same small fictitious town in Ohio as Cal. She’s a box of fucking rocks. Her and Cal try to get something going (which is unprofessional girl because she is at work), but she can’t stop fucking on the bartender, Dominic.

Take one look at Dominic (Canto), and you’ll be on board. You’d let him put it anywhere. He was Paul (of Paul & Jacob) on The Following, and they were a hot ass couple. The fact that Paul was killed (and that bitch Emma is still alive) is why I quit that show. Dominic is a typical hot bartender. The bridge-and-tunnel cougars are all sniffing around him, the guys are asking him for dating advice, etc. Speaking of bridge-and-tunnel, that brings me to Jessica (Carra) and Fab (Shaw). Jessica is a hot single mom from NJ, in the city to get laid. If she wants that to happen, she needs to straighten her fucking hair. She has a date which goes awry (Kacey: “I hate it when they puke in your stuff.”),and she bumps into Fab. Jess and Fab went to high school together, Fab left, reinvented herself, then returned. Fab is not her name. Fab is a bitch. An in-your-face kind of bitch, who is living for herself.

Ron (Campbell) is the British guy who is like a tech-millionaire who lost it all for whatever reason (don’t remember). He was in Date Movie with Alyson Hannigan (who was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Steven M. Porter, who was in Party of Five with Matthew Fox). Ron actually had a date with Jessica, but he threw up in her purse (which she is still carrying several episodes later). But then sparks fly between Ron and Liv (Simses). Liv is a basket case. She is engaged to a piece of steamed broccoli (Jim) that she is apparently marrying because she had nothing better to do. She has one of those baby voices like Macy Gray, so naturally I am waiting for her to start finger banging her own mouth. She is really pretty and also very naive, but she just wants to find love. Most importantly about Liv is that she comes to the bar with Maya.

Maya (Gonzaga) is my girl. First of all, she is a fucking stunner. So beautiful. She is also a bitch, a super fun bitch. She is an attorney and works with Liv. She is cynical. She has a connection with Tom. Their best interaction so far is when Tom’s ex, Laura (Sarah Wright was on Men at Work with James Lesure, who was on Lost with Matthew Fox) turns up at the bar with her new boyfriend. Cal and Bruce start to lose their minds, and try to figure out a way to get Tom out of the bar without running into her. Cal and Bruce are going on and on about how the first post-break up run-in with an ex is so traumatic and how great she looks and how Tom can’t win. Then Maya blurts out, “Please! Chicks are all smoke and mirrors. That’s probably not even her real boyfriend. Look, that’s definitely not her real hair. Trust me, Tom, with a little bit of work we can ruin this chick, and it’ll be great.” My reaction to that would have been, “Make it so.” Tom had no reaction, but Cal & Bruce were on board. Bruce said that before the three of them decide what Tom is going to do, they need to do some recon. Maya takes Tom back to a table and says, “I’m going to teach you how to completely destroy your ex. Ok, first you need to start with a backhanded compliment like, ‘Oh, I’m so glad your eating again.'” YES, bitch! Yes! I want to go out with her and ruin chicks I don’t know! Wouldn’t you?

Mixology was pitched as Lost in a bar. Everyone in the bar seems young, so there aren’t any polar bears. If Sauron’s favorite channel didn’t already have Michael Emerson wrapped up in Person of Interest, I would love to see Benjamin Linus roll into this bar and really jerk some people around.

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T

It is a very real possibility that this will be cancelled. Mixology premiered in February to 5.2 million viewers, 1.8 share, and a 5 rating. Last week’s episode had 3.6 million viewers, 1.3 share and a 4 rating. Not good. If it does get cancelled, these 13 episodes will be a fun diversion on a rainy day when they come to either Blu-ray, Netflix, or Hulu.

THE GRADE: B+

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