WHO’S IN IT

Alan Shore from Boston Legal, Claire from Step Up Revolution, Mike from Homeland, Farber from Dirt, Commander Lock from The Matrix Reloaded, and Dr. Banerjee from Alcatraz.

THE PREMISE

Raymond “Red” Reddington is a former government agent, who went rogue, became a criminal and eluded capture for decades. One day he decides to turn himself in to the FBI, and offers to help them catch a super criminal of the week, but on one condition. He will only talk to Elizabeth “Liz” Keen, who basically just graduated from FBI school.

WHAT WORKS

The show is entertaining enough that I am going to watch the entire season. James Spader looks like he is having a ball as Red. He is rocking fedoras and chewing scenery like there is no tomorrow. The chemistry between everyone on the show is pretty good, except for Liz. We’ll get to her in a minute. The plots are sometimes outrageous. In “The Stewmaker”, the baddie of the week is an old guy who puts people in motel bathrooms, dissolves them in the tub, and rinses them down the drain. Here’s the thing, I get that people can be dissolved. But I am pretty sure that the chemicals that achieve that would wreak havoc on a fiberglass tub. Not in this show. The acting is pretty good and the writing is fine. The casting is on point. Ryan Eggold, who plays Liz’s shady husband Tom, is hotter than ever. But he is also giving me Steve/Jimmy from Shameless realness. Parminder Nagra is basically playing the same character she did in Alcatraz, except she is FBI rather than a doctor. It’s just fine though, she plays the role well.

WHAT DOESN’T

Liz. Red calls her Lizzy, and she is a basic bitch. The actress that plays her is terrible. My guess was that this was her first role, because her acting skills are right on par with a Ziploc bag. A Ziploc bag with dead fucking eyes. I didn’t recognize her from anything, so when I looked her up on IMDb, imagine my surprise to discover the she has 16 credits to her name! The highlights? The Cleaner, My Bloody Valentine, Sex and the City 2, and Step Up Revolution. Know what I’m saying? Red also seems to be able to recall hundreds of important details at the drop of a hat. We are supposed to believe that he can remember that there is going to be an incident in the park today? I call bullshit on that. I can barely remember what I had for dinner yesterday, yet he knows what any given terrorist is going to do in any given week? I don’t think so, buddy. Of course, we are in store for 22 weeks of him knowing every step of the bad guy’s plan which he will relay to that basic bitch he is working with. Ugh. Speaking of basic bitches, in this week’s episode, “Gina Zanetakos”, Gina herself is played by Amanda Clark from Revenge. I hated her on Revenge. She didn’t deserve to have Jack’s baby. She talks like her mouth is wired shut, and I wish it fucking was. There is also side plot involving Lizzy husband, Tom, not being who he says he is. Red told Lizzy that Gina was Tom’s lover, which means that Tom really has a type doesn’t he? I was intrigued by this plot at the beginning, but now I find it tiresome. It seems like he is being set up to look like he is something that he isn’t. Yawn. Honestly, who in the real world, would give a shit about this couple? I am certain that question has the same answer as Rachel Reilly asking who wants to see her HOH room. NOBODY.

THE GRADE: B-