THE CAST IN SIX DEGREES OF: OZZY OSBOURNE

Todd Chrisley would not allow the family to play

THE PREMISE

Reality show starring a rich, Southern real estate mogul who grew up in South Carolina, while his kids grow up weak in Georgia.

WHY YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING

The shit that comes out of Todd Chrisley’s mouth.

Before we get into it, let’s breakdown the family. Todd & Julie Chrisley live in Atlanta, GA, in a 30,000 sq. ft. home near Usher and other celebs. Todd has made most of their money in real estate. Julie has made none of their money, because you know that bitch doesn’t work. They have 5 children: Lindsie, Kyle, Chase, Savannah, and Grayson. Lindsie is blond, pretty from certain angles, but is kinda horsey in general. Kyle is blond, built like a football player, and has a beautiful mixed race baby girl. Chase is a level 5 creeper dying to get laid while serving preppy Boyd Crowder realness . Savannah is also blond, about to turn 16, and has terrible taste in high school boys. Grayson, who is maybe 6, is a little hellion in the making. He doesn’t listen for shit.

Todd is super controlling of his family. They spend $300,000/year on clothes, but he approves every item. He really controls the kids. He has GPS trackers in all of their vehicles (Chase has a white, panty-dropping Ranger Rover, Savannah gets a white Mercedes-Benz E350 drop-top for her 16th birthday), and monitors all of their internet traffic. When he discovered Chase had been looking at porn, he immediately rolled upstairs, found his laptop (under the bathroom sink!), and promptly threw it in the pool. Kyle was caught having an affair with a married woman. Todd sent private security to snatch Kyle up, put his ass on a private plane, and sent him to Samoa for 9 months to do Red Cross relief work. Todd is no fucking joke.

I could go on and on about how great this is, but I will leave you with some choice one-liners from Todd:

“Chase would screw a snake if somebody’d hold it’s head!”

While Chase is looking through Todd’s enormous closet: “Chase, what are you doin’? First of all, this is not retail space for you.”

“You tell bouffant Betty I don’t want her comin’ outta there lookin’ like she’s 25!”

OH, I almost forgot. Todd is gay as all get out. I cannot believe this man has 5 children. I am convinced that Julie suffers from fruit blindness. Todd is launching a department store, Chrisley & Co., because he wants a career in fashion. He went through all this just to become a retail queen!? A faggot will pull a stunt.

THE GRADE: A