THE CAST

Viola Davis is Annalise Keating, a ball-busting power attorney and law school professor serving serious “That is a wig, bitch” eleganza, who really needs to bring everything down a notch.

Billy Brown is local cop Nate Lahey.

Katie Findlay is Gibbins’ across the hall neighbor Rebecca Sutter. She was Rosie Larsen on The Killing. She gives me Blair Waldorf all day long.

Charlie Weber is Annalise’s investigator Frank Delfino. He’s beardy sexy.

Liza Weil also works for Annalise. She’s Bonnie Winterbottom. She. Is. A. BITCH.

Tom Verica is Annalise’s wandering husband Sam.

THE LAW STUDENTS:

Alfred Enoch is wait-listed Wes Gibbins. Alfred has 16 acting credits. Half of them are the Harry Potter films.

Jack Falahee is Connor Walsh, and he can get it. He’s the man-whore of the group.

Aja Naomi King is Michaela Pratt. Michaela is annoying as all get out.

Matt McGorry is Asher Millstone. You’ll know him better as John Bennett, the cute prison guard on Orange Is the New Black.

Karla Souza is Laurel Castillo. She’s the whore of the group.

THE PREMISE

A “suspense-driven” legal thriller about a group of law students and their mysterious criminal defense professor.

LET’S CUT THE SHIT

This show is beyond ludicrous.

Annalise Keating is another strong black woman from Shondaland, and it shows. Annalise is very testosterone-driven and aggressive. Imagine Olivia Pope after a couple cycles of T. She’s hulkish and needs to dial it back a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love Viola Davis. I am just questioning some of her acting choices here. I agree with Brandy Howard (The People’s Couch) that Viola should be saving that one-tear snot crying for the movies. That is a $10 million cry.

Annalise’s students assist her with cases she is working on. That’s all fine and dandy, but she does not care that they have other classes they should be attending. In fact, we don’t see them in any other classes, and they always complain about the classes they are allegedly missing. The truth of the matter is, none of them will become lawyers. They will all fail out because they are skipping other classes. What they do for Annalise, and what she demands of them, is basically a full-time job. Isn’t it customary at all law schools that students are forbidden from working during their first year? Why wouldn’t Annalise have third-year students working for her? The first-year student with a bachelor’s degree in fashion merchandising from CULA that was a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart, president of her sorority, Delta Nu, and last year’s homecoming queen is not going to be providing the quality of assistance that a third-year would. Am I wrong?

Annalise and her husband are both cheating on each other. We find out immediately that she is sleeping with Nate because Mr. Gibbins walks in on Nate feasting on Annalise’s down low parts in her office. Annalise seems like the kind of chick that would slash your tires, baseball bat your windshield and black your eye if you got one text message that you couldn’t explain, yet she is cheating also. In her defense though, Nate could get it.

The only character I care about is Connor. Connor is an unapologetic man-whore who fucks dudes to get what we wants. No shame in her game. Plus he is evil-hot, and I live for that. He should have his own spin-off show called How To Get It In.

I don’t enough about this show to continue though. I had high hopes, then it just got more and more ridiculous. If you are still tolerating it, then good for you. But I am not the one.

THE GRADE: B+ (the pilot); F (every episode since)