The new fall shows are all garbage. Gar. Bage. Even worse, some of these shit ass shows are wasting talent. Here are said shows in no particular order:

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: I understand that Andy Samberg needed a post-SNL vehicle that is more substantial than a two and a half minute obscenity-laden parody song (I’m ready for Shy Ronnie 3, by the way). This shite is fine for him, but not for Andre Braugher. He needs to get the fuck away from this. The premise is fine enough. The casting is mediocre at best. We know what Andy Samberg is capable of, so there are no surprises from him. Terry Crews? No comment. Chelsea Peretti is a horse-faced nightmare with no comic timing. EW dubbed her a breakout. Wrong. The softer looking Michelle Rodriguez girl can’t act for shit. The harder Latina cop that isn’t interested in the naked author from Wanderlust is trying to serve April Ludgate realness. It is nearly spot-on, Shane doesn’t see it, but there is only one April Ludgate. I digress. Andre landed this shite after his ABC show, Last Resort, was cancelled. I actually liked that show. There where some meanwhile’s on that show. Men of A Certain Age was ok, and he was nominated for an Emmy for that. I didn’t watch Homicide: Life on the Street, but I know his performance was dope. I loved Andre in Primal Fear. He is a stellar actor and deserves better than this police captain dealing with Andy Samberg’s antics. Oh yeah, he’s gay too which seems like an after thought. This show is tired. D+.

Mom: I’m sorry, but The House Bunny should not be breathing the same rarefied air as C.J. Cregg. Am I clear? F.

Trophy Wife: I am struggling with this show. I am still watching it, but I am not sure why. The pilot showed potential. So Juna meets then marries Josh Lyman, who was previously married to Dr. Rosen and Ken Marino’s margarita loving wife in Wanderlust (this movie could be my new Flatliners when playing The Kevin Bacon Game!). The adopted Asian kid was bringing the LOL’s, so I was counting on him to do so moving forward. I was mistaken. He isn’t like the becoming-sassier-every-episode-Lily from Modern Family. Malin Akerman is doing an ok job, her BFF is usless, the daughter is already being portrayed by actress #2 (paging Becky Connor), and the son is HIDEOUS. Is that shallow? Maybe, but I feel if I am going to watch a minor, who makes more in a week than I do in a year, they should be good-looking. Anyway, the major wasted talent here is Academy Award winner Marcia Gay Harden. Why is she here? Is her Pollock money gone? She is playing an ultra-bitch, which I am living for, but that bitch would be better utilized somewhere else. Like on The Good Wife. Granted, I loved her $1500/hour lawyer on The Newsroom, but that season is over. Next week should be the last time I watch this show. Also, am I the only one who heard over the summer that Malin had been cast as Pizza Face’s character in a TV version of Bad Teacher? What the fuck happened to that? Even the fat, gross doormat woman from that movie turned up in this show as a teacher during a parent teacher conference. Coindidence? As far as my grade for this show, they have until Wednesday to turn in extra credit, or it fails. PENDING.

The Crazy Ones: I don’t give a shit about this. Mork, Buffy, Bob Benson, and Matthew Campbell? No.

Dads: I don’t really have to comment on what is being wasted here, right? One hint: he’s not on camera.

Super Fun Night: This show is God awful. Rebel Wilson is a movie star here in ‘Murica. She should never have gone to television. She cannot quite drop her accent completely, which I am sure is confusing, off-putting, and infuriating the middle of the country (in that order). Her supporting cast might as well have their faces blurred, because I don’t know who the fuck they are. Except for the Asian girl. She was the Asian crazy down the hall from …Apartment 23. I miss that show. Rebel needs to focus on Pitch Perfect 2: The Quickening. F.

I’ll get to Scandal in a minute.